He forgets to call. Or some cruel words are spoken in anger. Or he wants you to drop your friends and concentrate on him. Then he stays out with his friends all night. Maybe some of his friends are women, but you aren’t supposed to worry about that. He borrows money but never has money to pay you back. He expects sex at a drop of a hat, whether you are too tired or too aggravated for it. You didn’t realize he drank this much or did so many drugs, but he does, and there is no money for his share of the bills or the dinner out or for anything YOU need. Not that he can keep a job. And it’s always someone else’s fault. Sometime, he tells you, it is your fault. You get angry; you have a bad fight. You want him to leave. Then he apologizes, tells you what a fool he’s been. “Don’t you know I love you, baby,” he whispers and you melt. After the make-up sex, the cycle starts all over again. You want to believe that this time it’s going to be different, but ultimately it isn’t.

What happened? Well sweetie, you got your self some bad love.

The Bard said, “The fault, my dear Horatio, is not in the stars, but in ourselves.” Certainly this is mostly true, but a good horoscope reading will point out the challenges you have in relationships and the challenges other people bring to the table.

Things to watch out for:
A heavy Pisces signature or Neptune aspecting a personal planet in the horoscope—Not that all Pisces are bad. That is too simplistic of an approach. What to watch out for is the tendency either in you or the other person to over romanticize the relationship. Those with a Pisces or Neptune signature tend to gloss over the faults, and magnify the good points of the person they love, often to the detriment of themselves and the relationship.

A heavy Scorpio signature or Pluto aspecting a personal planet—Again this is a not a characterization of Scorpios in general. What I am talking about here is that in relationships with a Plutonian theme there are special challenges surrounding the issues of trust and power and control in a relationship.

A heavy Aquarian signature or Uranus aspecting a personal planet—Uranus brings us “bad boys” into our sphere, for a while a least. Depending on the charts of individuals these types of relationships are either flickers of a candle flame or a lifetime of here again, gone tomorrow and then back again. The issues seem to be about personal freedom, but those that have difficulties with Uranus just plain have commitment issues and just can’t seem to manage their responsibilities to others.

Do you notice something here? Yes, the planets we are talking about are the outer planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. These planets have only been in the awareness of our species of the past two hundred years or less, depending on the planet, and just in the past two decades we have gotten a sense of what they are about. When they are active in relationships, they point out where we need to understand how we lie to ourselves, (Neptune), where we fail to trust (Pluto) and where we fail to honor our commitments (Uranus).

Until we navigate these issues successfully for some of us love is like eating 98% dark chocolate, looks goods, but too bitter to take for long.

The Significance of Saturn in Libra

Saturn is the planet of duties of responsibilities and Libra is the zodiac sign of romance. Saturn, in astrological parlance, is said to be exalted in the zodiac sign of Libra, meaning that many of this planet’s qualities are polished like a jewel under the loving care of the sign of the scales. Libra itself represents perfect union and balance, two qualities we would like to see in the most sacred of relationships.

Because Saturn’s circuit around the Sun takes 28 to 30 years, and many first marriages happen at about 28 to 30 years of age, it is not unusual for the first child or even the second child’s marriage to share the Saturn sign under which their parents married.

During the last go round of Saturn in Libra, Americans and Brits alike were facing the consequences of the sexual revolution and a redefinition of women’s role in society.

As I wrote in a post titled Saturn in Libra: Chasing Bells and Lace:

[blockquote]“From late 1980 to late 1983 (albeit with a brief sojourn into the next sign) many of my generation married under the aegis of Saturn in Libra. Pluto was there too, signaling a cultural change in how we viewed marriage. We were promised we could “have it all” – career and family – but that usually meant we could work two jobs, the one in and outside the home. After bearing the babies and rushing back into the workplace, we got the golden opportunity to rush home, make the dinner, do the laundry, feed the husband and then somewhere between midnight and dawn collapse in our beds to get up few hours to do it all again.

We were exhausted. The men wondered what happened to their sexy girlfriends. We wondered why they didn’t understand that the socks and underwear go into the hamper. Couldn’t they do that, at least? Our dreams of white lace and “happily ever after” eroded under the weight of our responsibilities. For our mothers, socks and underwear on the floor was a small price to pay for having the husband in the bed. For us, it was another battle cry in the inequality of the sexes. The divorce rate climbed seventeen percent from 1975 to 1992.[/blockquote]

During this transit many of us learned that equality meant sharing the joys as well as the burdens as equal partners, but others of us were not so lucky.

Diana Spencer married her Prince in a fairy tale wedding that we were all sure of would end in “happily ever after”. What ultimately happened was anything but. Despite Diana being the UK’s best loved royal, under the glare of constant publicity, Diana’s fight with bulimia, her difficulties with other royals and her husband’s hidden infidelity, the fairy tale dissolved into a hopeless and ugly mess.

The royal life is not an easy one, constrained as it is by duty and obligations. Personal choices are often subordinate to public exigencies. Those royals who married according to the wishes of their hearts often faced controversy at the very least and in the most extreme case lost his throne. The question the world is interested now is has the House of Windsor finally found the couple whose love story will transcend the difficulties of prior generations?

Let’s take a look through the lens of astrology to answer this question.

Part 1: Saturn in LIbra

Part 2: The Yod–Destiny Plays a Hand

Part 3: Charles and Diana—A Suitable Girl

Part 4: Ladies of the Rings

Part 5: Will and Kate—Happily Ever After?

Photo published under a Creative Commons LIcense from Flickr

When you have an inconjunct between two natal planets, that is an area of life where you have difficulty finding a resolution point. It is a dilemma and a big one. In many ways it is uncharted territory and may indicate a spiritual lesson that has not been attempted in previous lifetimes.

An inconjunct to the natal Sun indicates an personality that hides behind a role or an image. There is an uncertain sense of self, a lack of sense of a place in the world. For this reason, an individual with an inconjunct to the Sun often feels unwanted or unloved.

An inconjunct to the natal Moon indicates an individual that goes to extremes emotionally. At times they are emotionally restrained, at other times emotionally exuberant. Because they are so uncertain about their own emotional center, they are afraid of being embarrassed, humiliated, or worse yet, betrayed.

An inconjunct to the natal Mercury manifests by taking criticism as as personal attack. They can be on one extreme self effacing and on other blunt and defiant. You need to tread lightly around these souls.

An inconjunct to the natal Venus individual has low self esteem. Self worth is measured by their possessions. Like a teenagers out of control, they display extremes of personal appearance, one day dressed to the nines, the other coming to work in their sweats. They lack a sense of proportion in their interactions with their love interests. All or nothing with Venus inconjunct, they’ll accuse you of hating them if you are less than enthusiastic about their latest antics.

People with an inconjunct to their natal Mars feel they have to prove their courage or strength and often feel they fall short of doing either. Easily provoked, they have difficulty controlling their anger, then are ashamed they lose it so quickly. Head strong, they don’t like to be told what to do.

Those with an inconjunct to Jupiter wants to impress people so much they find it difficult to say “no” to others. They either under rate or overate themselves or others. Because they fear of loss of personal freedom there will be wild swings in in what they give to others.

Inconjunct to natal Saturn natives take on far too much to prove their self worth, including other peoples burdens They demand respect and go to pieces when they don’t get it.

Inconjunct to natal Uranus folks are the original rebels without a clue. They think so far out of the box, they’ve lost the box. Though they can be extremely creative, they are threatened by people as talented as they are.

Inconjunct to natal Neptune people either make too many sacrifices to please other people, or don’t do enough to help others. They have little protection from constant psychic impressions surrounding them, leaving them shaky and unsure of themselves. They need constant reassurance and have a tendency to escape into their own fantasies when the world gets too harsh.

Inconjunct to natal Pluto natives have a burning need to control people, places and things. They want to know what you are thinking all the time and questions you excessively, They obsess over the issue represented by the other planet in the inconjunct, and can play nasty manipulative games because they see no other way to do things.

Does any of this describe you? Are you plagued by situations that no matter how hard you try are never resolved? The best way to work through an inconjunct is to make a plan to resolve your situation and follow it through, though like Orpheus we might not hear the footsteps of our beloved behind us. We must have faith and hope that the Divine promptings that say “you can do this” ultimately prove to be true.

Mercury Love Stories

While good communication between partners is universally recognized as an important element in a strong relationship, the functions of Mercury go deeper than that.

Judith Wallerstein in her 1995 book, “The Good Marriage” describes what astrologers would call a Mercury function as one of the 9 major tasks of making love last. She describes this task as “applying humor in appropriate ways and keeping the relationship interesting to laugh and ward off boredom and ennui.”

Still another aspect of Mercury that of the storyteller is an important quality in a long lasting relationship:

Those who endure have a story, and they stick to it. Robert Sternberg, dean of the school of arts and science at Tufts University, has researched this and has come up with about two dozen relationship stories, some good, some bad. The “fairy tale story” has a prince and a princess; the “visionist story” is a business model, accumulating homes, goods and successful children; the “travel story” says that life is a journey; the “police story” divides the partners’ roles into cop and perp, with the former constantly monitoring the latter; the “war story” means that two people expect constant fights. “What our research shows is that couples tend to be more satisfied if they have matching story profiles,” Sternberg says. Pair a fairy tale believer with a war story believer and “it won’t work,” he says.

Mercury, as the planet of communication, has an important role in maintaining a relationship, even those with less than desirable storylines. More than just being able to talk, Mercury lay the foundation of what the couple view as their reason for staying together.

In the composite chart the aspects that Mercury make to other planets indicates the story that the couple tells about the relationship. Often the heavy hitting planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto make connections to the messenger of the gods. The developmental tasks of these planets become the story of the relationship. Aspects to Uranus talk about the need of the partners to develop and keep a separate identity from the relationship. Neptune speaks about the need to merge in a relationship that becomes a spiritual union. Pluto asserts the need to transforms ideas about relationships.

Let’s take a look at the composite chart of Joann Woodward and Paul Newman, a “Hollywood” couple almost as famous for the longevity of their relationship as for their Oscar award winning work as actors.

In an industry in which long marriages might be defined as those that last beyond the first year and the first infidelity, Mr. Newman and Ms. Woodward’s was striking for its endurance. But they admitted that it was often turbulent. She loved opera and ballet. He liked playing practical jokes and racing cars. But as Mr. Newman told Playboy magazine, in an often-repeated quotation about marital fidelity, “I have steak at home; why go out for hamburger?”

[In 1958] Newman and Woodward married, a lasting match that Newman attributed to “correct amounts of lust and respect.” The couple had three children. Despite later rumors that not all was well in their marriage, Stern said the couple were committed and honored each other’s choices in life. Although Woodward once quipped that “a mind is a terrible thing to waste on a Trans Am,” Stern said, “They had real reverence for each other’s talents and pursuits and idiosyncrasies.”

Indeed in a time when there was significant backlash for women who dared to have their own careers, Newman supported her career goals. He produced 5 films with Woodward as lead, two of which netted Woodward a Golden Globe nomination and a Golden Globe award.

The composite chart is heavily tenanted with planets in the Uranus ruled sign of freedom loving Aquarius, but there is a strong concentration on the Neptune ruled sign of Pisces. The need to merge into a spiritual union is as strong as the need to remain individuals.

Mercury and Uranus form a Yod, called the finger of God, with Neptune in Leo confirming the initial impression of the chart. In their relationship story is a sense of destiny, of having to be together. Yet, with the strongly Uranian flavor, the story was also that “no one else can understand us. It’s us against the world.”

Photo printed from a Creative Commons license from Flickr

If you have a question you would like answered on these pages, send your question, birth date, birth time and birth place to starrynightastro@aol.com. I regret that time limitations prevent the publishing the full delineations for any individual.

as it is anyway. The result is a fair amount of wailing and the gnashing of teeth as frustrated people cry, “What do we do? What do we do?”

Aries—Joni Mitchell sang about you. “You are rambler, and a gambler and a sweet talking ladies’ man.” Well, this goes for the women too. And yep, with Gemini in Mars, you are dangling a couple on your line. Someone should slap a warning label on your forehead “Warning—Date at your own risk!”

Taurus—New and unusual opportunities pop up that have the potential to be very lucrative. Don’t stare a gift horse in the mouth. Climb up and ride that sucker. Don’t think too long, or the wagon train will leave without you.

Gemini—When things blow on the home front, you breeze right out the door. There are only so many times this disappearing act will work. Face the music and have that “talk”.

Cancer—Lovely Venus is visiting your Sun this week, bringing harmony in your home and sweet love and cuddles. If you don’t want more children right now, use protection, because more is ripening than the tomatoes in your garden.

Leo—You really don’t know what people want from you right now. On one hand people want you to “do something different” and on the other they want you to do things the way you used do. What they really want is “do what you used to do, but get a different result.” Insanity.

Virgo—Communications get muddled when unexpected events crop up to clutter the communications landscape. Stick close to home for incoming messages.

Libra—Plenty is shaking for you in the love department, though who has caught your eye is not your usual summer catch. Toughen up in the clinches as this person can fall in and out of love faster than you, if such a thing is possible.

Scorpio—Stick to home base where you are needed. Someone might need a financial boost. You are not surprised are you? Fortunately, you’ve kept your nest egg growing.

Sagittarius—Jupiter, your guardian planet usually protects you from most of your excesses. However, this week, be especially careful in motion. Whether by motor vehicle or under your own power a need for speed trips you up.

Capricorn—all that your wheeling and dealing does is net you a nasty kick in the teeth. Go ahead and lick your wounds. By week’s end you’ll be feeling your oats again.

Aquarius—There are a lot of demands on you this week as the people in charge look to you to cover their butts. Fortunately, Mars in Gemini gives you a power boost so you can ride the wave. Still, get plenty of rest at night to recharge your finicky internal power paks.

Pisces—Someone talks commitment. Is that you? Probably not, since the last thing you want right now is to be tied down. Still, it’s in your own best interests to keep an open mind on the subject, just in case you change your mind.

Photo published under a Creative Commons license from Flickr

Julie Demboski posted an interesting essay on prediction. Check it out!

Wedding Ring

One researcher interviewed in depth over fifty couples that regarded their marriage as happy. Through this interview process she identified 4 relationship styles and 9 essential psychological tasks to creating a happy relationship. As it turns out, from this astrologer’s perspective, what the researcher did was to peg down the 4 styles of interacting that directly relate to the elements and the developmental tasks of 9 of the ten planets.

Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Balkeslee have published a book entitled, “The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts”.

The four types of marriages Judith S. Wallerstein identifies include the “romantic”, the “rescue”, the “companionate” and the “traditional”.

This typology suggests that there is not just one “right” type of relationship but also that multiple styles that are associated with longevity and happiness. However, it also suggests that relationships survive more satisfactorily if the partners’ philosophy concerning the type of relationship they have or want is similar.

Let’s take a look at the four relationship styles and see how they relate to the elements, fire, earth, air and water.

The “romantic”– in the “romantic” relationship a strong passionate, sexual component is the key ingredient. Each spouse possesses strong feelings of passion for the other. This feeling typically was present from the beginning of the relationship but also has been maintained in both active behavior and in memory.

Fire—Fire is the element of passion and inspiration. It is the element of adventure and fun. In a relationship that is marked with this element it is important to do things together as a couple. Connectedness is lost when partners pursue too many separate interests.

The “traditional”– In the “traditional” relationship, roles and responsibilities are clearly defined, with one partner’s being the primary wage earner and the other’s taking charge of the home and family. Although a feeling of love is important, romantic passion is not necessarily central to this type of relationship.

Earth—The Earth element is primarily concerned with the acquisition of material wealth and security. Earth shaking passion is not important as the building of a secure home base. Though those in an Earth relationship may pursue separate interests, their common goal holds them like super glue. Should one partner violate a traditional value, such as fidelity, the roots of the relationship are threatened but can be salvaged with a reaffirmation of common goals.

The “rescue”– In the “rescue” type of relationship, either one or both partners were severely traumatized prior to the relationship and were still suffering when the relationship was initiated. Therefore, at the core of the “rescue” relationship is an attempt at a healing process, where the relationship provides an opportunity to soothe psychological wounds and to grow.

Water—The element of water represents emotional responsiveness. The highest expression of this element comes through as emotional support for healing past wounds. The challenge of this type of relationship is to move past damage inflicted in the past so destructive behaviors don’t harm the current relationship. Connectedness is maintained through frequent expressions of love and appreciation for each other.

The “companionate”– in the “companionate” form, friendship and equality are at the core. Each partner attempts to balance psychological investment in career with psychological investment in the relationship and in the couple’s children.

Air—Air is the element of mental stimulation and friendship. This is a couple that needs to communicate with each other frequently during the day “just to say hello.” Connectedness is maintained through support of, though not necessarily through participation in, separate interests.

To check on how your relationship fits one of these four types, you would check a composite relationship chart. A composite chart calculates the midpoints between each of the planets of the two individuals along with the midpoints of the ascendant and the midheaven. Composite charts that has ascendant and midheaven agree in element will most closely describe the type of the relationship your partnership has formed. For instance a relationship that has Taurus on the Ascendant and Capricorn on the Midheaven will closely describe a “traditional” relationship. Those charts that do not agree will keep the element of the ascendant as the primary relationship style while incorporating the element of the Midheaven into the relationship. An analysis of the individual’s chart against the composite chart will show how his or her chart meshes with the composite chart and the style of the relationship.

Photo published under a Creative Commons License from Flickr.

Because the readers are such popular feature, tickets to sign up for a reader are handed at on a first come, first serve basis. Many people arrive early just to get a ticket to sign up. Readings are set up in twenty minute blocks and are very reasonable. If you’ve been looking for a place to get a reading, but not sure what kind you would like, this is the place to come to choose and sample what is available.

So pull out your Blackberry or your Daytimer and make sure you don’t miss the date.

When: August 16, 2009
10 am to 4 pm
Where: The Keeney Memorial Center
200 Main Street
Old Wethersfield, CT

Directions: Take I-91 to exit 26. Follow signs to Old Wethersfield Historical district. At the intersection of Main Street (flag pole), turn left. The hall is the third building down on left. Plenty of free parking in rear of building, on the street, and across the street behind the fire station. The fair is on the second floor.

Oh No!

Photo published under a Creative Commons License from Flickr.

In the “Art of Predictive Astrology” Carol Rushman shows a little technique that helps to predict the number of marriages you can potentially have. She calls this the natal promise.

In a woman’s chart, count the major applying aspects to the Sun: the conjunction, square, opposition, trine and sextile.

For a man’s chart, count the major applying aspects to the Moon.

The planets to look at are Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Rushman observes that Mercury and Venus may bring an opportunity for marriage but often these alliances don’t end up at the altar.

Rushman also observes that the planets in applying aspects are very descriptive of the relationship itself. For instance a relationship representative of Saturn can be very long lasting, but filled with frustrations and burdensome responsibilities. A Jupiter marriage may give a partner who is very good to you. A Uranian marriage may be unusual, with each of the partners go their own ways but coming together from time to time.

In the case of the gentleman above, he has four aspects to his solid Moon in Taurus, but with Mercury, the Sun, Jupiter and Saturn in the sin the sign of Capricorn you can be sure he will marry later in life. Of course, just because you have an opportunity to marry, doesn’t mean you will. It is your choice, after all.

What planet in your chart describes a long lasting relationship?

Some Other Posts On Relationships:

The Moon–The Astrology of How You Feel
Bad Boys–The Uranus Ruled Relationship

Photo from Flickr

Maia Lynd

For many people just the phrase “New Age” conjures images of people who are “out there”, maybe a bit flaky, people they are not likely to know, at least not well. But the friendly people at the ASC New Age Fair will dispel this notion.

Among the picturesque 17th and 18th century houses of the historic district of Old Wethersfield is the Keeney Memorial Cultural Center, a late 19th century public school building renovated in 1985 to become the permanent home of the Wethersfield Historical Society.

I met up with Janet Booth, astrologer and, along with her many ASC duties, Fair Coordinator, at the third of this years’ fairs on Sunday, August 18, 2008. While Janet drags about a variety of items to their appointed places, she hands off duties to volunteers and leads me to the reading room, introducing me to one of the Fair’s most popular readers who likes to be known simply as Morningbird.

Morningbird is of Podunk Indian decent, a tribe native to the Harford area. When I said, “then your ancestors were here to meet my ancestors when they came,” she laughed. She told me the story of how when she was a child, her mother would send her to her room when people came to visit. She said she didn’t understand why then, but when she got older, she realized that she “knew things” about people that most people would not know. This made her mother’s friends uncomfortable. Soon Kat Lovell, of Northampton, Massachusetts joins the discussion. Kat’s day job is hypnotherapist, working with people on weight and stress management and fertility issues. But at this fair she is working as a tarot card reader. We talk about how other people find it difficult to relate to psychics as people. Dating, Kat tells me, is especially difficult since either, a date will turn off or through curiosity wants to test her gift. Kat is energetic and entertaining, and soon we are all having a good chuckle at her latest relationship encounter. The ladies gave me their cards and asked for mine. Kat chided me for not having any with me. Really, I protest, I am here to do the story, but I scribble down my contact information for them and go off to meet the vendors.

Against the backdrop of ultra high ceilings, tall windows and hardwood floors typical of a 19th century building, vendors set up in the main meeting hall. I say hello to Emile DeLeon of Knight People of Middletown, CT. Emile, who among his talents lists musician, astrologer, numerologist and intuitive reader, today is playing the part of shop owner, setting up a selection of books, CD’s, statues and Tibetan singing bowls on his table. Emile mentions that he feels the need for some coffee and I tell him I’m here today to write this story. Typical of Emile, he says he remembers my face but not from where. I remind him that I shop in his store from time to time.

I say hello to Charlie Edgarton, an astrologer and ASC member. Charlie and I had quite a spirited discussion the last fair, and again, I hear that he remembers my face and not my name. Charlie sets up apart from the main group of readers. He prefers to give ten-minute introductory readings for which he charges $10. With him busy setting up his table, and running a little bit late, I promise him that I will come back later, wrangling a reading from him. Knowing that I am an astrologer too, he seemed reluctant to give me the reading. He did well, zeroing in on a failed partnership (true) and that I would be having a confrontation with a woman at work this coming week. The friend who came with me laughed when she heard this, knowing my penchant for directness often ruffles some feathers.

Diana, Fair Vendor

I talked with Susan Chan, who does body massage for her clients, which she has done for the past twelve years. She doesn’t need to advertise, she says, because she has enough regular clients to keep her very busy. She promises the best massage ever. At a dollar a minute, her fair massages are a bargain. I opt for ten minutes and got relaxed enough during it to ignore the urgent ringing of my cell phone. “Forget that,” I think, “this is too good to interrupt.” In the background, as Susan worked out the kinks in my back muscles, Ngoma with his traditional Australian aboriginal instrument, the didgeridoo and Maria Menut with a Tibetan singing bowl play a melodic melding of the sounds of these ancient instruments.

There are also a series of free lectures at 11 a.m. that continue during the day on a variety of subjects. On this day there were lectures on animal guides, astrology, meditation, numerology and meditational music.

The most popular aspect of the fair, however, is the readers, who represent a broad base of gifts. Astrologers, tarot card readers, numerologists and psychics are represented among over twenty select readers. Readings are twenty minutes in length, for twenty dollars. You need to arrive early though if you want to speak with Morningbird or Kat, as their time slots fill up quickly since they are so popular.

The next fair is on Sunday, November 16, 2008 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., and it includes the ASC’s used book sale. Admission is always free. You can find out more information about the fairs and the Astrological Society of Connecticut by going to their webpage www.myasc.org. With a relaxing atmosphere and friendly people, it’s a great way to spend a day and lift your spirit!