Zodiac Signs

Aries: Cowardly Lion or Courageous Warrior

From The Wizard of Oz

Cowardly Lion:
Courage. What makes a King out of a slave? Courage.
What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage.
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage.
What makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder? Courage.
What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER?! Courage.
What makes the Hottentot so hot?
What puts the “ape” in ape-ricot?
Whatta they got that I ain’t got?
Dorothy & Friends: Courage!
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again.

Aries, the first sign of the zodiac and in ancient calendars, the first sign of the New Year, roars in the month named after its ruling planet, Mars.
The television franchise “Star Trek” created a whole species that describes Aries perfectly–the Klingons. Created as quissential bad guys, eventually they evolved not just as fun antagonists, but became
one of the Federation’s strongest allies, despite the cultural differences. All we needed, it seemed, was a little tolerance for warrior ways, and they became almost endearing, especially when they shared their blood wine.

Cardinal in mode, its element fire, this is one player that moves quickly without hesitation. This is because if they stop to think what they are doing they might not do it at all. Deep inside every Aries is the secret fear that they are not as courageous as they appear, that they will fail the test once too often. Aries figures that anything worth doing isn’t worth worrying over, so in they go head first, without considering the consequences.

Their ruler, Mars, lords over all things having to do with contests, war, warfare, and the hunt. Even love is a game of skill for these ardent people, with the object of their affections sited and brought down for the kill with a charming smile and a wicked look in the eye. Don’t be shy in turning down their attentions the first, or even second time. They don’t like if it is too easy. Its a turn-on actually. A little spit and fire gets the blood boiling. But don’t make it too hard either, because these people are known to lose interest quickly. They have short attention spans.

In fact, when communicating with Aries keep your sentences short and on point. Its not that they are not smart, they just don’t care about the intricacies of Donyella’s love affair with Antony. If you can’t catch it in a sound bite, then why bother? Many of them don’t care to get cozy with a good book either, because that much time invested in one activity, sitting down, is just not worth it.

But for all their frenetic activity, there is just one thing that you can’t get them to do: anything that needs to be done around the house. Unless you are a master (or mistress) of making a daily chore a once in a lifetime challenge you can forget about anything domestic coming out of them. Even then, if whatever you want done is started, you are really against the odds in getting them to complete it. They bore easily, you see, and it really is cruel of you to make them finish what they start. But this is really part of Aries plan to make you a better person, because you’ll need to learn everything they know just so you can finish the project. OK , they don’t actually plan it, but masters of spin that they are, they will make you believe it, anyway.

If Aries bores so easily, how can you be sure Aries won;t get tired of you? Many an Aries lover have asked the same question over the millennia. Its not that they are incapable of long relationships, it just requires some ingenuity on your part. Just make sure you are never caught. A little uncertainty goes a long way. I’m not talking about dangling the interest of the office dog in front of your Aries’ nose. That will provoke a very adverse reaction. Provoking jealousy in an Aries is a fast track to the relationship dumpster. But remain a little out of reach, and provide Aries with the chase of a lifetime and you’ll never be alone.

Taurus: Persistent Parsimony

True story. Two sisters, 10 and 11, share a bedroom. One night, the younger sister, Taurus, is going over her account ledger. Yes, that’s right, the ten year old keeps a ledger of the money she receives and what she spends. However, this night she can not reconcile the ledger. Apparently, she is missing money. She spends hours pouring over her little notebook, going over and over the sums, keeping the light on and her sister up. Finally, the older sister, exasperated, tell the younger sister that she will give her the money the younger sister is short, if she would just turn out the light and go to sleep. “That’s not the point,” declares the younger sister, “I just have to find that penny!”

Such persistent parsimony, even in the young, is the mark of Taurus. It is why we love them and how they drive us crazy. Taurean virtues, love of home and hearth, the ability to work hard and knowing the value of that work, are the ones on which, literally we base our society. Taurus sums up the human desire to create the conditions for future success. The adage to “Plan your work and work your plan,” was surely first spoken by a Taurus.

Taurean patience is legendary. OK, it’s not so much patience as immobility. Believe or not, it’s better that way. A Bull in motion is a scary thing. Especially when they are coming after to you. Think a bull chasing down a matador. Move quickly out their way to avoid injury.

Taurus is no flash, but has cash and is all class. They have sly ways to save money, like stashing $10.00 bucks from the grocery money into a private account. Take a Taurus with you when you are evaluating real estate. They’ll give you the worth of the property off the top of their heads within hundreds of a professional appraisal. They can cook too, all of them even the men. As long as you like meat and potatoes, you’ll do just fine. Haute cuisine is just haughty to them. Meatloaf, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy is preferred food groups, along with healthy doses of chocolate (medicinal, of course)

Comfort, security, and homey things are tops on their list. In fact, they can get so comfortable; it’s hard to blast out of their recliner. “Let’s just eat in,” is their mantra. Heaven forbid that you want to try that new Asian fusion restaurant. They will not know what you are taking about. “Fusion?” they say, “Sounds dangerous to me.”

Gemini’s Wiley Ways

Hello! How are you? Anyway, have you heard anything about so and so? No? Well, got to go, been great seeing you. Give me a call sometime, but not next week. We’re off to the beach . . . see ya.

Blindsided by your Gemini friend’s quicksilver entrance and exit, you hardly know whether she noticed you had opened your mouth to speak. Nevermind, it wasn’t really necessary to answer.

Ruled by the planet of communications and information, Mercury, Gemini’s have one mission in life, to gather as much information as possible. Yet there is a deep secret about them, of which we all should be aware–they rarely listen. The truth is is that they are so busy gathering information, they have little time to process and put it in a congnitive whole view of the universe. Their life is like living a string of thirty second televisioin commercials. Perhaps this is why the Mercury ruled seem so scattered, so unfocused to the rest of us.

Geminii can have odd blind spots in their need to know. One Gemini woman asked me about her prospects with a certain man, being terribly enamored of him. I told her in no uncertain terms not to go to bed with him, because he had someone he was seriously about. Of course, she didn’t listen, and was devastated when she found out he just got engaged.

They do know the power of words, and at an early age mastered a precocious level of verbal acuity, pleasing their parents mightily. Isn’t little Johnny smart? No, little Johnny learned that it makes Mommy and Daddy smile when he put two words together. When that got old, he put three words together, and so on. Its a stage act, much like the Gemini man I once knew who used to quote long stretches of Shakespeare to impress women. Once he found one that was actually impressed, he married her.

For most Geminii, marriage, or the prospect of, doesn’t seem to track on their radar. It isn’t that they aren’t interested, its just that they are interested in other things as well. Easily bored and on the prowl for the next information fix, they’ll hardly notice that you are waiting for them to notice that is time to make a committment. Don’t bother waiting, club them over the head with your proposal. If you catch their interest long enough to get them to consider the thought, you better run with it and run down the aisle. It doesn’t hurt if you can keep their shirts cleaned and pressed and regular dinners on the table. However, if you do those things without the benefit of marriage for too long, you pretty well get what you deserve. If you give these folks too many free samples, they’ll get to think they are entitled to them.

Don’t get me wrong, There is a long list of people who would love to fill your shoes, since your Gemini is terribly witty, charming, interesting and just fun to be around. What they don’’t know is the dark side of the Gemini personality, or as those in the know refer to it, the Evil Twin. Here is the cranky, churlish side that apprears when nervous Gemini energy blows a fuse. There isn’t anything you can do about it either, except stick their plate under the door, along with a comedy DVD. Hopefully food and a dose of theThree Stooges will break their nasty mood. If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to throw a party. Just make sure Trivial Pursuit is one of the party games.

Leo’s Spells and Charms

Fashionably late, of course, the sun makes its debut in the sign of Leo on the twenty third of this month. Like the planet that rules them, Leo’s radiate their magnetic charms for all to see. They make sure you see them by making the most dramatic entrance possible commanding the room as they do so. Do you have any doubt that Leo’s are the kings and queens of the universe? They don’t.

They want , no crave for you to notice them. Leo’s have an absolute need for lots of attention.As a child he or she learned that being adorable had all sorts of benefits, like wrapping Mom (if a boy) or Dad (if a girl) around their stylishly manicured fingers. In fact if a Leo falls to get the recommended daily allowance of adoration, he or she shows signs of personality malnutrition: crankiness and a sulky attitude. If that doesn’t cow you, then Leos will toss their manes and disappear . . .forever. There are plenty of other people who will feed the need.

And who wouldn’t want to join a Leo’s posse? Being with a Lord of the Universe (his least prestigious title) makes you feel important. When he smiles as he suggests that you run down to get yourself a double latte (picking one up for himself on the way) you feel as if the sun was shining a delightful sunbeam directly on you. This is how a Leo fends for himself. He weaves a spell that serving his needs benefits you.

Only a Libra dresses better than a Leo. It is the only sign in the Zodiac which mandates that the male wear jewelry, gold pleeeze! The female will be absolutely tricked out in it. Heaven forbid that they been seen in last year’s Prada, (or Walmart if that is their social strata). You better make sure that their closet is updated. After all you do need to uphold your end of the bargain.

Loyalty is very important to these souls. It usually runs one way, directly to them. I‘m not saying that they will be unfaithful. It’s work to keep a stable of lovelies and hoties at your beck and call. Keep them happy and they simply won’t expend the energy.

And please, don’t bore them with the details of daily life. That’s why you are allowed to stand next to him in his circle of admirers. Being the consort of a Leo does have it responsibilities, so you better take them seriously. But then there are those perks; remember that smile.

Virgo–The Wholesome Hypochrondriac

Virgos need to keep busy. They love to help and they love to serve. No one is a better nurse than a Virgo, and no one understands better the meticulousness demanded of the profession. Details bore most people. Virgos delight in them. It doesn’t matter that they can’t see the forest for the trees, a happy collection of the most tedious minutia will keep them sorting and cataloguing for hours. These are the people who, of all things, store their winter clothes in summer and swap them back out at the appropriate time in the fall.

Their prodigious powers of observation aren’t confined to the jots and tittles of life. When not cleaning out the gutters, rearranging the sock drawer and cleaning the basement, making sure each group of items is in a hermetically sealed and appropriately marked plastic tubs, they turn their attention to you. You’ll find your best qualities and faults catalogued, analyzed and quantified. After a Virgo identifies your most grievous faults you find yourself in in the middle of a home improvement project–you. You’ll be treated a generous helping of thoughtful suggestions on how to fix yourself. And if you don’t get the message the first time, they’ll remind you– again and again and again.

If their agile minds aren’t kept busy enough, they’ll turn their attentions to themselves, but not in a selfish, vain kind of way. No. They start analyzing their aches and pains, in the interest of preventative medicine. They love homeopathic remedies and will start applying them to themselves “just to make sure.” Vitamins are another area worth studying. If you want to know the function of vitamin K, they can tell you. They also are a proponent of health foods. Red meat is a no no, organic vegetables are best. Break out the bean burgers, the grill is ready.

[tags] astrology, zodiac, horoscopes, readings, weekly forecast, advice [/tags]

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